Finnish IRL
myötähäpeä - a woman in a bar watching something off to the side with both hands half over her face, unable to look away

myötähäpeä

/ˈmyøtæˌhæpeæ/

Second-hand embarrassment. One word for the feeling that makes you cover your eyes at a wedding speech

Quick answer

Myötähäpeä is embarrassment felt on behalf of someone else - watching a speech go wrong and wanting to leave the room.

  • It is built from myötä, along with, and häpeä, shame, on the same pattern as myötätunto, sympathy.
  • English does have equivalents - vicarious embarrassment, and now cringe, so treat this as a neatly compact word rather than an untranslatable one.

What myötähäpeä means

Myötähäpeä is the physical discomfort of watching someone embarrass themselves. It is not amusement and not contempt: the feeling is that their exposure has landed on you.

The construction is transparent and productive. Myötä means along with, and it forms a small family: myötätunto is sympathy, myötäelää is to empathise. Myötähäpeä is the same shape applied to shame.

How Finns actually use myötähäpeä

As a noun about a situation: tuli ihan myötähäpeä, "it gave me second-hand cringe".

About performance and public speaking above all - a speech, a pitch, karaoke, a comedy set that is not working.

In a country where being conspicuous is generally avoided, watching someone fail at being conspicuous has a particular force. The word gets used a lot, and it is worth understanding as the flip side of a broader preference for not drawing attention to yourself.

myötähäpeä in a sentence

  • Tuli ihan myötähäpeä. I felt so embarrassed for them.
  • En jaksanu kattoo, niin kova myötähäpeä. I couldn't watch, the second-hand cringe was too much.
  • Se puhe oli puhdasta myötähäpeää. That speech was pure second-hand cringe.
myötähäpeä - a man at an office table staring hard at his own notebook while a younger colleague speaks, physically shrinking
Not your embarrassment. Somebody else's, felt as your own.

myötähäpeä in a conversation

Ootsä kattonu sen puheen?
Oon. Myötähäpeä iski heti.
Nii mullekin.
Voi ei.

The mistake everyone makes with myötähäpeä

Repeating the claim that this feeling has no name in English. It does - vicarious embarrassment is the older term, cringe the newer one, and German has Fremdscham. What Finnish has is a compact, everyday word for it.

Reaching for häpeä on its own. That is plain shame, your own, and it is a heavier word.

Questions people ask about myötähäpeä

What does myötähäpeä mean?

Embarrassment felt on someone else's behalf - the discomfort of watching another person embarrass themselves.

What is myötähäpeä made of?

Myötä, meaning along with, plus häpeä, shame. The same myötä appears in myötätunto, sympathy.

Is myötähäpeä untranslatable?

No. English has vicarious embarrassment and, more recently, cringe; German has Fremdscham. Finnish just has a short everyday word for it.

Is it rude to say you felt myötähäpeä?

It contains a judgement - it says the other person embarrassed themselves - so it depends who hears it. About a friend it is a tease; in the speaker's earshot it is unkind.

What is the difference between häpeä and myötähäpeä?

Häpeä is your own shame and is a heavier word. Myötähäpeä is felt on behalf of someone else.

en jaksa - a man slumped at a Finnish kitchen table in front of a laptop under warm lamplight, rain on the dark window behind him
en jaksa Not laziness and not refusal, and Finland accepts it as a reason
sisu - a woman in a reflective work jacket pushing a bicycle up a slushy hill into driving sleet, a plain Finnish apartment block behind her
sisu The noun is the export. Finns reach for a different form of it
kalsarikännit - a man in a knitted cardigan and underwear in an armchair with a beer, thawing spring fields through the window
kalsarikännit Trousers off, curtains shut, nowhere to be
joo - a young woman on a Finnish bus with her phone to her ear, agreeing without much energy, a snowy street through the window
joo The everyday yes, and kyllä is not its posher twin
joo joo - a young man pulling his boots on in a Finnish hallway, answering his mother behind him without turning round
joo joo Say yes twice and you have stopped agreeing
just joo - a man hearing out his daughter's explanation across a Finnish kitchen table without looking up from his newspaper, pale evening light in the window
just joo Two words that tell you the other person is not buying it
no - an older man on a park bench starting a story to the woman beside him, one hand lifting, green summer trees behind
no It looks like English "no" and means the opposite of a refusal
no niin - two older women on a sauna bench wrapped in towels, the stove glowing beside them
no niin Two words, no meaning, and a Finn can run a whole conversation on them

Sources for myötähäpeä

  1. Kielitoimiston sanakirja: myötähäpeä, myötätunto, häpeä Kotimaisten kielten keskus - The word and the myötä- family it belongs to.
  2. Kielitoimiston ohjepankki Kotimaisten kielten keskus - Guidance on Finnish compound formation, which is what makes this word transparent to a native reader.
  3. Kotus dictionaries Kotimaisten kielten keskus - The dictionary series documenting the productive myötä- prefix across registers and periods.
  4. VISK § 797 - what dialogue particles are Iso suomen kielioppi, Kotimaisten kielten keskus - For the reactions this word tends to appear alongside - voi ei, ai jaa - and how they work.
  5. Kotus - Institute for the Languages of Finland Kotimaisten kielten keskus

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